I’m on Valium and everything is OK.
I am fine.
Insomnia, anxiety, withdrawal from reality, feeling like we aren’t better than the rest and just stuck, craving for something to balance us. We want to cry and sob and say that nothing is okay and we need help but all we can manage to say is “I am fine, you just don’t see me like how I am anymore”.
I feel this void of not belonging, not knowing what I should expect from life, so mundane and yet a routine. I feel like I don’t trust people, like I know it’s hard but this hard ? Feeling like I am not good enough, every text, every story, everything making me feel,
AM I NOT ENOUGH? DON’T I DO THINGS WHICH MATTER? WHAT DO I CRAVE FOR ?
Perfection, away from stress and anxiety, a change, haunted by the thoughts of future, the downfall, the heartbreak ? Is that what Valium supposed to do? Not make us feel anymore.
Every-time I see LinkedIn or Instagram, I compare myself to others for better or worse, every time I try something new, I have the dread of failure looming over me, every-time I see people I love fighting, I wanna run away to just find relief from it, so that I can just get up and say “Everything’s ok”. Somedays are happy, somedays we are gasping for air. A mess. Stuck.
It’s like I had so many plans that I will do this or I will do what, and I am 23 now and still I haven’t figured anything out yet, but the mystery of this is “just be yourself”, have the courage to change and yes you can’t have valium in your prescription, so maybe music and coffee would help. People say mediate, stay away from social media, it’s we don’t have to escape but face it head-on and live it. Everyone’s has something crazy going on, and I guess many people feel same, it’s a trap of constant acceptance and rejection and the unpredictable future forcing us to acknowledge “Are we really ok? or Do we courage to change and be happy?”.
