Who am I, to me ?
I am a different person to different people, messy to one, talented to one, quiet to one, restless to one, and unknown to a lot of them. But who am I, to me ? What defines me to me ? Just the art of getting other people comfortable around me and me being uncomfortable for the whole life.
Whenever I get some alone time to think, and I feel so freaking alone, then I think, do I need so many people, or what am I to myself ?? Is loneliness the void I am trying to fill. I feel like there is so much social media addiction, just trying to look happy, but if I still alone at night, how do I define me ?
Procrastinator, restless, engineer, ambivert, idk , its so much, so many traits for so many people, for some you are an open book, to some you are trying to like, for some who are trying to make them like you, such dilemma, such hassle !!! It’s like I am not real, just an actor, taking on different roles, playing different identities as per circumstances, and no one of it is authentic.
If I don’t have to take on the mantle of different roles, than what will I do? It feels scary actually, because I won’t know how to define me, I didn’t explore enough, stayed with myself enough to know what do I actually want out of life — or I am just living in the byproduct of what society expects of me. For first time, I want to stand in front of the mirror and see if “who I am” matches “who I see” . For once, doesn’t it feel nice to do something for ourselves without getting influenced by external factors of families and friends to have some mindset, trying to discover the journey, taking in our flaws and accepting them without blaming and manipulating others. Trying to survive on our own — like its said “We are on our own”. To accept what I am not what people label me, to put band-aids on things long gone and not holding on to them just for pretense. Just looking at oursevles at glass and seeing our authentic self…
It’s okay if you aren’t proud of me, because I finally AM. — Evelyn Wang
